everyday is d. day

killing time

i ran out of the house to get errands done, situating myself near the skytrain so i could easily jump on and meet up with s. and avoid the debacle of last week (when i was still on the skytrain when i was meant to be there.)

today, i was left with a handful of time and a complete lack of window shopping desire. if i ventured into a shop it was to get in out of the wind. after i had trod a few times over the same stretch of cement i decided to set awhile. glorious as the day is, there's only so much bluster i could take as witnessed by the sub-zero feel of my hands and fingers.

so now i am sitting in the end, on one of the tall seats in the window with the sun blaring in on me and i'm squinting against the sun i just came out of. the server has shown up and calling me hon, which i find annoying. he's a bit of a throwback--could swear i dated a guy sporting his kinda hair some 15 years ago or so, (actually, to be more accurate, he looks like some of the guys from my highschool days). my guinness in a bottle arrived as a winter ale in a glass, and my sanger--a club--was ordered minus the 3rd piece o' bread, it came with. a little playing with my food solved that, and when he came over to ask me how my food was tasting, i didn't have the heart to point out his dereliction. really, i shouldn't be in here swilling beer or noshing on over priced food, but i am. part of me does not want to succumb entirely to my current status.

wish i may wish i might

i took some really great shots in my dreams last night. i don't know where i was and i can't remember the subject matter, but i wish i could and i would go there.

will there be a home sweet home?

i am meeting s. in awhile to go look at an apartment. s. holds out hope upon hope that we will find one before the end of the month, but it is slim pickins' out there. he bridles at the notion every bc renter has had to deal with as a fact of life--giving notice and then finding the new home in the short space of that month.

our mon petit chat doesn't help any. i reckon our chances are cut down a further 75% based on the unreasonable bias (based no doubt on the bad behaviour and bad tenancy of others). like the flip saying about men it could be said likewise that all the good ones are gone out there in apartment land, and given now that vancouver has developed a hopeful avarice bred by the upcoming olympics, i say we have a bit of a snowball's chance at finding a decent one at all. but i remain optimistic. in the same way i remain optimistic about winning the lottery someday. it's likely, but it also is very unlikely.

i gave up on living in vancouver again, casting out the net as far as coquitlam. given this new development the friends and family i rarely see i will likely never see and i may as well be living in toronto--i wish.....

nothing doing

today i deemed it not a very good idea to go stomping about the city after yesterday's foray. the way my foot was throbbing last night, i thought it better to keep it up. of course,  the day has developed into one of those that defines a gorgeous spring day. i'm plugged to the wall with a view right out the bedroom  slider. a breeze pushes in the open gap.

every day has is about the de rigeur routine of searching the classifieds for anything that comes close to within my skill set, which in and of itself has become humdrum in the constant. and it occurs to me as a brief flash as i come up from the garbage room, that my life has become uncomfortably small. it is more than just there mere fact that my disposable income simply isn't. it is earmarked to pay my bills and it's down to mere survival. and survival isn't a whole lot of fun for the most part.  sure, there are no bad days at work,  but there are no silly stories around the water cooler or lunches at the foodcourt or out in the sun either. none of that human contact that is so important. those people formed part of my support system that is noticeably absent now. sometimes the most exciting thing that happens around the apartment is that bijou hacks up a furball. my day to day life is mired in the domestic and i've not enjoyed that since i had a wee one to shuttle around to waterbabies.

i can't imagine that my prose is very scintillating either. i want to put something down, but it's hardly anything to write about anywhere.

words to live by?

It seems serendipitous and coincidental but no less interesting my horoscope today in 24.

          "Be flexible in the face of changing times."

I've got a lot of decisions to make and this has occurred to me. many times. the question is, which way to proceed. the economy is making turtles of employers and they all seem to be pulling their heads into the safety of their shells, waiting for the storm to pass. some are even taking advantage of the current economic crisis to burden current extra employees with more work and meanwhile, people like me, out there hunting, somewhere in the middle of the pack, are left to scrabble for whatever scraps might be available. and it seems there are a lot of us.

so, i am seriously pondering what to do with my future. some might say this is the very navel gazing i should have done many years ago, but many years ago it didn't seem as necessary and perhaps i wasn't ready to make the decision. necessity begs it now. every journey begis with one step the adage goes, and i just have to figure out where to  place that first step.

riddle me this

i'm standing on the platform at joyce station. the wind is teasing me and tickling me, causing me to shiver a bit under my several layers. across the way there is a crowd of people sporting bare legs and hoodies for jackets, looking like a page out of the Sears summer catalogue. I always wonder: if a person is wearing shorts and halter tops when it's blustery and cool what do they wear in seasonal weather when the temperatures are cranked up the dial?

movie nights

we're taking a brief intermission from nick and nora's infinite playlist. as shaun sits outside having a puff or two i am listening to the wind hurl itself against the walls and windows of the apartment. the plaintive wailing makes like it is protesting the obstacles it finds in its way.  its voice whines in an uneven baritone, ascending and descending the octave. i imagine myself a leaf being tossed haphazardly to and fro on the tongue of its lament. i wonder what all this will bring. today we've had snow, a touch of rain and a beam of sunshine. one of those everything in one day kinda days.

we rented three movies rather unintentionally when we decided to rent a movie on friday. a promotion made it seem like a good idea. three movies for $15 no late fees for a week. i remember when rogers "revolutionized" the video renting realm when it instituted its no late fees policy. clearly that didn't work out for them in the way that they wanted so hey've made it so a person now has to pay a premium to avoid the possibility of a late fee.  chris rock's latest offering was no where near as funny as bigger and blacker and dark knight failed to impress save for heath ledger's swan song performance. nick and nora was by far the best of the lot. subtly funny, sweet and simply just a superior offering.

i've got a smile on my face and in my heart. great way to end the weekend.

and now introducing.......a problem

my macbook has been making ominous sounding noises for awhile now. reminiscent of a playing card passing by bicycle spokes. round and round. tick-a, tick-a, tick-a, tick-a.  it begins the protest not long after i boot it up and gets progressively worse as i set to my emailing, FBing and surfing. could fry an egg on the thing. i confessed that i sometimes have the thing on my lap. he shot me that look of disappointment. i oughta know better. i quickly qualified my statement by saying i knew that it wasn't a laptop, but a portable computer. it helps to know a bit of the lingo. but seriously, who isn't tempted to rest any one of these on their lap?

i've been putting it off as long possible, since my current necessary austerity forces me to, but when my charger went or its ability to charge i decided to get a genius to look at it. i already pretty much knew that i was going to have to replace the charger, having tried every sort of "fix" i could find that might remedy the situation. in his opinion i need to spend about $250 (most of the cost being labour). i asked him "so what if this part gets replaced but i still have the same problem?". his answer didn't reassure: "well then the problem is probably much worse--the logic board--and it might not be worth repairing.....". hmmm, if you ask me, no one computer component should cost more than the original computer itself. perhaps it is intentional and by design, who knows. it did occur to me that had i gotten that apple extended warranty i could have had the repair done under warranty and every time i think about it i cringe. stupid stupid. i missed insuring it by a day. a day! the lesson i've learned: don't wait, budget for the extra few hundred dollars at time of purchase, save yourself a world o' heartache and money. 

i wonder, did my computer noticing me covet the new sexy green offering by apple? don't laugh. i swear technology senses our flagging loyalty as well as any person does. i remember when i carried around a palm; long before the iPhone and the blackberry i saw the new model come out and drooled over the prospect of the newest offering to come over the horizon and almost on cue, my palm started to hiccup and belch and i spent countless hours assuaging the device, reinstalling and recovering data. 

having said that though, as technology goes, i count myself really lucky. i think i've got some fairly good technology karma.  i've read message boards where people have had huge problems getting their computers, peripherals and doodads to run, much less perform for any amount of time. the timing of this particular problem, however, is terrible.

making more work for myself

i've just set up a 3rd blog. i'm trying for a niche blog, but one that is relevant to my life. there is the small thread of hope it may generate interest and income even. it remains to be seen. call it a project. it'll take some work, probably more work than this blog or 365.  i'll continue with kvetching and observing about my daily life here. i don't know if i'll be able to keep it up. we'll see.

today is gorgeous. i am hoping to get down to stanley park today. i've made an early start on the day. anything's possible. i'll scan the classifieds out of habit and send out a few resumes just because. i am trying to remain positive, but i am of the mind that it is tossing my words out into the ether. i'm sure there they are in good company as they tumble and swirl with other people's carefully crafted documents and assorted flotsam and jetsam. i've got a visual picture. i wish i could render it.

if it isn't one thing it's another

i've been experiencing a new agony lately and i wondered what it was, but did nothing about it. every morning as i swung my feet out of bed i was reminded that i might need to get to the bottom of it. months have gone by and i thought about going to see the doctor, but really didn't feel like going to his office for him to tell me what i just found out myself.

the temple is going to hell, the new bit of damage to plague the structure: plantar fasciitis. as you might imagine i am over the moon about the development of this new physical ailment. now i've got stretching, icing (and not the yummy creamy kind) and orthotics to figure into my daily life. oh joy. and my love affair with walking has to cool some until it works itself out.

i ignored it today though as i walked in the glorious sunshine. i decided i would pay for it later if need be. the day was as crisp and clear as a person could hope; the sun a blazing, glowing, yellow dew drop orb in a cloudless deliciously cerulean-blue-as-it-gets sky. i strolled down victoria, taking in the neighbourhood, the sweetness of the air, and the utter lack of pedestrians. it was as if i had the whole world to myself for awhile. i may not be rich, quite the opposite, but i am enjoying an exquisite luxury all the same. i felt a lightness of being, an uncomplicated momentary, blissful nothingness. enhanced by the atmosphere of music in my ears, removing me from the blather of crowds and nonsense of the mundane. i felt ridiculously at peace. there's no amount of money that can buy the sensation. good thing too, i don't have any.