a little bit of coffee and going round with two simple crosswords pulled the cobwebs out of my head. it's like this every day. when i finally push myself out of bed it's a struggle to stay fully present even with work to do. after i scurry about with the pressing business of feeding the cat, i wash my face, turn on the computer, throw open the balcony door, and make the bed.
then my world goes into slow motion again. what i am lacking is purpose, even with things to do. those are errands, the business of life and i've learned how to deal with them, manage them. i could perform this stuff with my eyes closed.
it's driving myself beyond what needs to be done. all my good intention disappears. i'm halfheartedly poking away at my computer to complete this blog, because part of me says "why bother". i turn my face toward the new day with a mixture of dread and anticipation. early on part of me hopes that there will be news of a job or an interview and when the day comes to a close the anticlimax of it all complete deflates me.
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