everyday is d. day

classic vancouver

it's raining with some determination. i walk the short trip from the skytrain home past the park across from our apartment. ran some errands at the mall. (always slightly annoys me, but that is another matter.)

the squidgy grass is alive with activity of a soccer game. i can't even begin to estimate the age of young men anymore, but i'd guess at the top end of regular organized community soccer. there are a handful of onlookers huddled under the trees tossing out damp encouragement from the mucky sidelines.

i remember those days. standing with my heels sinking into the edge of the soccer pitch as i watched Matt and his mates' game evolve from "swarm" ball to proper soccer. sometimes my overactive imagination thought it would swallow me completely, quicksand style. i consider pausing and watching awhile. soccer is my favourite sport to watch professional or otherwise, but i opt out when some slanting precipitation sneaks under my umbrella slaps me soundly across the face. classic vancouver.

got work to do

i arrive home gutted after my day at work. didn't help trundling home on the train standing wedged in the narrow aisle, after hassling my way in, slightly damp but too warm. my wet weather coat is suited to much cooler temperatures.  i did have the presence of mind to plug my ipod in before i got on. i suspected as much. this is the drawback of travelling during "rush hour". last week i had to let a train go by.

it's just one day. i could not imagine having to engage in this every day. in Toronto i avoided the crush by walking to work; simply not an option now.

with some gritty determination, i employed some underused TO commuting skills to elbow past some oblivious commuter blocking the door. (sharp elbows and height are a definite advantage.) however, this behaviour is one i will never understand. we all would like easy unobstructed access to the door, but making like an immovable object when people are trying to get past you is simply the action of....a dunderhead, idiotstick, well somebody that complete lacks the inability to consider the needs of others.

i begged off cooking dinner and made for the sofa and the sweet relief of simply sitting down on something vaguely comfortable. i have no idea how i managed to attend to all the mundane household tasks (including cooking dinner) when i worked full time. it seems an impossibility now.

places to go, things to do

i've not put down a single word here since i had promised myself i would. i haven't even opened up the program and stared at an empty box. i just didn't have it in me. words swirl and fingers stall idle as i search through my cranium for the next words to write. they simply don't come.  i have a few disparate ideas i'll make note of before i sign off, but this will not be my most eloquent collection of words.

i've been trying to create structure in my life, getting up with the man sometime before 7am. i'm not noticing the benefit as such. not yet. it takes me so long to get going that the first few hours are spent staring at some sort of screen as i work up the energy to push myself into action. my plan for each day is ambitious and likely doomed to failure. take today, i've yet to get to piano practive and some self-guided learning of dreamweaver in classroom in a book. my excuse today, is my debilitating nauseated state. i leave the house with a short list of things to do and realize, once on the bus, that i cannot for the life of me, recall all three items written down in my daytimer at home. i attempt to conjure up the image of the list, as this is how i remember things when i am without a physical list. i continue with the exercise in futility and finally give up completely, deciding that the errands couldn't have been that important anyway.