i've not put down a single word here since i had promised myself i would. i haven't even opened up the program and stared at an empty box. i just didn't have it in me. words swirl and fingers stall idle as i search through my cranium for the next words to write. they simply don't come. i have a few disparate ideas i'll make note of before i sign off, but this will not be my most eloquent collection of words.
i've been trying to create structure in my life, getting up with the man sometime before 7am. i'm not noticing the benefit as such. not yet. it takes me so long to get going that the first few hours are spent staring at some sort of screen as i work up the energy to push myself into action. my plan for each day is ambitious and likely doomed to failure. take today, i've yet to get to piano practive and some self-guided learning of dreamweaver in classroom in a book. my excuse today, is my debilitating nauseated state. i leave the house with a short list of things to do and realize, once on the bus, that i cannot for the life of me, recall all three items written down in my daytimer at home. i attempt to conjure up the image of the list, as this is how i remember things when i am without a physical list. i continue with the exercise in futility and finally give up completely, deciding that the errands couldn't have been that important anyway.
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